Video FAQS & Related Resources

Related Blog Posts

The posts below describe, in different ways, how your curiosity and attention can lead to a greater sense of relatedness and trust with someone else. It can also fulfill your own needs for connection throughout the day, and even be a source of joy.

Blog: Taking off the mask

Blog: What to do when you’re in a room full of strangers

LinkedIn: Want better relationships? Try this Zen technique

Related to the Additional Exercise this Week

Blog: The Appreciation Test

Related Chapters in Working Out Loud:

  • Chapter 5 - Relationships

  • Chapter 14 - Deepening Relationships Through Contribution

Click on the image to view my 50 Facts

Click on the image to view my 50 Facts

3 Tips for Sharing “A Fact About You”

#1. Share something you love: If you like something, say something. Maybe you’re a foodie and found a new place, or read a book or watched a documentary that inspired you, or traveled to a place others might enjoy. Share that experience. If you know someone else who enjoys food, books, movies, or travel, then share it directly and frame it as a contribution: “I loved this and thought you might enjoy it too.” If you’re unsure of who’s interested, you might share it publicly.

Just this week, I happened to mention where I spent the winter holidays, and a woman had traveled to that same place years ago. She went on to say it was part of a 4-month journey, and led to an interesting conversation. That fact served as a bridge that allowed us to cross into other territory, and changed how we saw each other in a lovely way.

#2. Ask questions: When you don’t know someone well, ask questions. Your genuine curiosity can be a gift of attention. Keep in mind that some questions may be sensitive for certain people - “Are you married?” “Do you have children?” “What religion are you?” - so don’t make any assumptions. But benign questions like, “Where did you grow up?” give the other person the chance to talk about themselves, their family, and their experiences - and thus lead to more questions.

#3. Pay attention: Many people will give clues about their “Facts” without explicitly stating them. Perhaps they have a photo on their profile or desk. That makes it okay to ask about it. “How old are your children?” “Where was that ski photo taken?” Again, your genuine curiosity can be a gift if you offer it in the right way. If your intention is to “find out” about the other person, then it may come across as too aggressive or downright creepy. But if you’re simply looking for the basis of a shared connection, it can lead to a sense of relatedness and greater trust.